The Laconic Inkdrop

"He that uses many words for the explaining any subject doth, like the cuttlefish, hide himself for the most part in his own ink." John Ray

Tag: irony

Ubiquitous #1

Starbucks and Apple should buy shares, stocks, or whatnot in Instagram. Surely the phenomenon has transcended word-of-mouth publicity and become all out advertising. There has to be money-making potential here, I just know it.

 

Image

“But how can I describe my softly gleaming latte art strategically juxtaposed with my Mac that I bought from THE SYSTEM I protest via Facebook and Twitter? HOW?”

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“The Wheel Is Turning But the Hamster Is Dead”–in graphics

If you hear these kinds of questions from a grandparent, other relatives, or from good friends of the family, don’t blow them off and/or storm out of the room, even though you are sick to death of hearing them over and over again. That’s not nice. They keep asking because they care. (I’m preaching to myself here.)

However, feel free to show these illustrations to the next financially secure/employed shmo that asks you one (or all) of the following half-baked questions:

  • “Can’t you find a job?” or “Can’t you find a better job than that? I thought that’s what you went to college for.”
  • “Can’t you just relocate to find a job?” or “Can’t you just save up your money to move?”
  • “Why do you think they didn’t hire you?”

 

Store One Redux

Remember that awesome printable  job form I found for Store One earlier? After all the drama with  the online applications?

I printed it out on our nicest, 28 lb. paper and started filling it out with a confident, black gel-ink pen.  Happy as a lark, I was.

I get to Section 2, Box 3. “For store management or office based opportunities at our Regional or  Geelong National Office, please refer to our website www.storeone.au.*” .au. The cognitive dissonance  isn’t buzzing the alarms yet. Maybe Store One’s main office isn’t in the U.S. Moving on.

I wonder why the application didn’t ask for details about my college education. Ok, odd,  but…moving…on….

Alright, Section 6, character references! Only it’s calling them “referees.” Well that’s interesting.  “Referee’s organisation.” With an s. I suppose a British person wrote the form.

Section 7 asks me four very good questions (to which I give well-thought-out, honest answers):

  • “What do you perceive as good customer service?”
  • “What are some of your traits that makes you an ideal candidate for a customer service position?”
  • “What does teamwork mean to you?”
  • “Why do you believe safety is important in the workplace?”

Section 8 is about rights to work . . . for Australians.

This is just a typo. And I assume there must be a lot of Australians coming to the States and they . . . really must like working at Store One, who felt it was necessary to include this on the form.

Section 10. Oh, that section where you have that brief, queasy, cold-palms moment when you feel like you’re signing your soul away and if you made one minute mistake in filling everything out, they’ll drag you away to everlasting perdition.

I’ve spent an hour filling out an application to work at Store One in Australia.

I’d love to go to Australia. I really would. That’s where all the hotties are. Also, there’s koalas and those lovely landscapes. But the timing’s all wrong, beautiful Australia. It’s not you. It’s me.

*Not a working link. As you’ve discovered, I am sure.